Thedeadanimalproductionsblog: April 2023

Date: April 9, 2023

Location: Yuk Yuk's Comedy Club, Vancouver, Canada

Hobo Joe: Now we've got a lot of stuff going on, there's a lot of homophobia in the world. Now who's more discriminant? Gay people or straight people? GAY PEOPLE! You know why? Because we hate gay people too! Everything straight people don't like about gay people, gay people REALLY don't like about gay people. There's some shit going on with gay people now. It's like a civil war going on with gay people, and there's two sides. There's gay people and there's faggots. Faggots have got to go! Every time gay people wanna have a good time, those stupid-ass faggots fuck it all up! CAN'T DO SHIT! You can't do shit without some stupid-ass faggot fucking it up. Can't do nothing! Can't keep an arcade open for more than a week! Grand opening, Grand closing! Can't go on a roller coaster the first day of it's existence! Know why? Because faggots are hogging up the seats! WHAT KIND OF IGNORANT SHIT IS THAT!! "Hey, this is a fun ride, this is so fun I'm gonna jerk off in here!" Hey, I love gay people, but BOY, I hate faggots. Boy, I wish they'd let me join the Westboro Baptist Church! Shit, I'd do a drive-by from here to San Francisco. I'm tired of faggots man! You can't have shit when you're around faggots. You can't have shit! You can't have no big screen TV! You can have it but, you better move it at 3 o'clock in the morning! Paint it white, hope faggots will think it's a bassinet. You can't have shit in your house. WHY?! Because faggots will break into your house. Faggots who live next door to you will break into your house, come over the next day and say, "I heard you got robbed sweetie." Faggot, I know YOU robbed me! You know what's the worst thing about faggots? Faggots always want credit for some shit they're supposed to do. A faggot will brag about some shit a normal guy just does. A faggot will say some shit like, "I take care of my kids." YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER!" What kind of shit is that! "I've never been to jail!" What are you retarded?! You're not supposed to go to jail, you low-expectation-having motherfucker! Fuck man! I'm tired of this shit! You know what the worst thing is about faggots? THE WORST THING ABOUT FAGGOTS?! Faggots love to NOT know. Nothing makes a faggot happier than not knowing the answer to your question. Just ask a faggot a question. Any faggot! Like, "Hey, faggot, what's the capital of Yemen? "I don't know that shit! Keepin' it real!" Faggots love to keep it real. REAL DUMB! Faggots HATE knowledge. Shit. If a faggot breaks into your house and if you want to save your credit card put it in a book. Because faggots don't read. Fuck, books are like Kryptonite to a faggot. Like, "Here's a book!" "AAHHH NO! NOT A BOOK! NO! NOOO!" Tired of this shit man! Your kids can't fucking play nowhere. Every year the space gets smaller! Okay, you can go from that corner to that corner Oh, you can go from that gate to that gate. By the time that fucker's 10 he's hoppin' in a circle. I'm tired of this fuckin' shit, man! Tired! Tired! Tired! Fe, fi, fo, faggot! I heard some song the yesterday. It went along the lines of "🎵It's the first of the month🎵" FAGGOTS ARE SINGING WELFARE CAROLS!!! "🎵On the first day welfare my true love gave to me a food stamp in a pear tree🎵" THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! What the FUCK is going on? Now they got some shit. they're trying to get rid of welfare. Every time you see welfare in the news, they always show gay people. Gay people don't give a fuck about welfare. Faggots are shakin' in their boots. They're like, "Man, they're gonna take our shit!" A gay man who has two jobs, going to work everyday, hates a faggot on welfare. Like, "Faggot, get a job! I got two! YOU CAN'T GET ONE?! I would give your lazy ass one of mine, but you'd fucked up and get laid off! They wouldn't hire another faggot for 20 years!" It's not all gay people on welfare! Fuck! Straight people on welfare too! We don't give a shit about them! But we just got to do our own thing. They can't go "Oh they fucked up, we can be fucked up!" That's ignant! Straight people don't care. There aren't even that many gay people in the world. Gay people are like 9% of the fucking population. There's gay people in America, Canada, Great Britain, Sweden, Iceland, Denmark, Spain, Germany, France, Australia... Like 10 places! Okay? There's no gay people in Panama! Like, the only gay person from Panama is Fernando Wong. Meanwhile the whole rest of the world, the OTHER nations are filled with bigoted straight people. Broke as hell, living in a trailer park, eating McDonald's burgers, fucking their girlfriends, listening to Johnny Orlando singles! And I see some gay people looking at me! "Man, why did you say that? It's not us, it's the media! The media has distorted our image to make us look bad! Why must you come down on us like that, brother! It's not us, it's entertainment." Please cut the fucking shit, okay! OKAY?! When I go to the money machine tonight, i'm not looking over my back for media! I'M LOOKING FOR FAGGOTS! Joe Manganiello ain't never took shit from me! Faggots have! So, you think I got three guns in my house because the medias outside? Oh, shit, Dave Chappelle! RUN!" Tired of this shit, man.